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Once I was done with it, I just decided I would do that in other settings for an entire series. But yeah, I just wanted to make this film because I wanted to put this narrative onto people that I watch and kind of give them a story.

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You know, make them into characters. No, the whole story is real. So, I have to find another train to be on.

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And I just thought that if I was a psychoanalyst analyzing her dream, that was her entire life story in a nutshell. You know, like her mother drops her off to live with a babysitter, and her life just has a completely different trajectory. I was bumming around Poland until I was 14 like I had it all figured out, like I was a popular kid.

I was very confident. I had a motocycle, a girlfriend. And we all have one. In my next piece, I want to talk about that trajectory again. And I believe these moments are so difficult because they make you go deeper and deeper to find out what life is really meant to be for you.

I was literally dropped off on the moon or a different planet where everyone spoke gibberish. So, I was able to look at this world that was completely foreign and only stay sane by relying on my thoughts and the narratives I needed to create in order to not lose the plot, metaphorically and literally. I needed some kind of connection. And so, I think watching these people is a reminder of that era of my childhood. I deeply, deeply wanted these people to be part of my narrative.

I wanted to be on the train with them, but I felt so separated.

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They were on the train, and I was on the other side looking through the glass, just observing. I think the camera also became a tool that allowed me to go through this kind of separation I still might carry with me. So, being in these public places with the camera and kind of doing what people would normally not expect to do allowed me to be one with them. I love that.

Then, I meet another person and see something else. What keeps this city going is people allowing each other space. After all the broken hearts and all the disappointments, you finally found him. Yes, I can see that you believe now. You smile back at me from a photograph with your newspaper colleagues; you finally look settled and comfortable in your own skin. Having discovered your talents and used them professionally, you are more confident and sure of yourself. Yes, career dreams come true, too. You believe it now.

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More pages and more years pass, leading to a recent photograph. You are now wearing a cap and gown, along with an exuberant smile. This day is the culmination of so many hopes and aspirations. I can see it in your eyes; you still believe. I can see all of these things now, but you must wait. And patience is not one of your strong suits. I know that you will learn as you go and find your way to where you need to be. You are a smart and beautiful woman.

Tag: Philosophical Musings

You are more than good enough. You can achieve your dreams. As my husband crawls into bed and snuggles up beside me, I take one last look at your smiling face before I close the photo album and lay it aside. I nestle beside him into the comforting crook that I conveniently fill. Because I believe. There's an elderly man in my neighborhood.

We have a strange relationship. He walks his dog every morning, and I generally drive past during his morning constitutional. He smiles and waves. I smile and wave. We have never spoken. I've never taken the time to stop; I'm always in a rush to get to work. But seeing the old man always makes me smile. My husband, however, has taken the time.

That's how I learned that before too long, I may no longer see my "friend" on his morning walks. You see, my husband has stopped to chat with our neighbor. My significant other knows some significant facts about our friend: where he lives, his first name, and I didn't see the old man this morning. Some mornings I don't, depending on our respective timing.

But now, whenever I don't see him, I wonder Is he too sick to come out? Has the cancer taken him? Why have I never taken the time to stop and say hello? Why have I never made the effort to tell him that seeing him wave at me most mornings brings a smile to my face? I hope to see the old man again. And when I do, I hope I'm not in a hurry. Because while I may think I don't have time to stop, his time may be running out.

And, I guess, so is mine. I immediately stopped, rolled down the car window and wished him "good morning. I acknowledged that I knew of his illness and had wondered how he was doing. He smiled and thanked me for asking. Shortly, I drove on with a wave and a smile, hopeful of seeing him again.

And thankful that today, at least, I wasn't in too much of a hurry. Memories are a wonderful thing. In an instant you can conjure up a scene from the past and recall the sights, smells and sounds of a bygone time. The other day something led me in my mind back to the woods where I played as a child. In the woods behind our house, my cousins and I climbed trees, waded creeks and daydreamed. When I think of those summer days in the woods, I can see the green trees and feel the rising humidity. The scent of honeysuckle is heavy in the thick summer air. There's the smell of freshly mown lawns and newly cut hay.


Musings of life: Love

The sound of a transistor radio. The smell of suntan lotion. The taste of an icy-cold Coca Cola — left in the freezer just long enough to make it a little slushy precursor to the Icee? I recall riding out a thunderstorm in the barn loft. Talking about boys we liked and girls we didn't. Dreaming of … what? I'm not sure.

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To be famous, perhaps? To meet and marry the heartthrob of the moment? I realize now that I had no plan back then. I didn't really have a vision of what my future might look like — what sort of job I would have or where I live. That didn't come until much later. Perhaps I was simply a dreamer. Content to take life as it came and just see what happened. And perhaps that's the key.

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To take life as it comes and see what happens. That doesn't mean you don't plan or set goals. It just means that, like that young girl, we are willing to wait and see what life holds in store Here's to hot summer days, hanging out in barn lofts — whether literal or metaphorical — and taking life as it comes. What are you trying to control? Are you able to relax and accept life as it unfolds? Please share your thoughts in the comments. Subscribe by email. Powered by FeedPress. Need help to improve your writing?